Modern Dating: The recurring grief of ‘The One’

Some of us are on life journeys with life-long partners, for the rest of us in the escapades of singlehood life are going to meet more partners than not that are going to serve another purpose in our lives than being ‘the one’ for us in this modern world of dating. As these relationships transition away from us for either mutual reasons or a single sided heartbreak, long term or temporary can leave the absence of the connection entrapping us in emotions comparable to grief. Now where ‘grief’ is a normal emotion for any loss someone experiences,  it’s important to recognise that in dating circumstances it is not the grief of that person separated from you that you actually grieve. At a disconnections emotional peak it is the idea that another was ‘the one’ and are now gone that you grieve, it is the grand relationship that could have been but now isn’t, it is the happiness you expected that remains undelivered that you grieve. Collectively it is the desired future that you were yearning for in another person that you really grieve.  

The mental anguish of ‘what could have been’ instead of truly seeing someone in reality and accepting a situation for what it really was is what traps us in this lack and sadness, and over time that mentality slowly leads to become the detriment of prospective connections ahead.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Holding the belief that each person entering your life romantically could be the right person is created by our own expectations, when our expectations are not met by another we’re left disappointed and when we’re disappointed more times than not we find ourselves losing faith, shutting off emotions and closing off to other connections and sitting in grief & upset way longer than we should. That state of being sadly shadows the wisdom of growth those connections could have instead served to benefit a better, stronger version of ourselves.

Observing these emotions and thoughts of ours and understanding where they stem from is revolutionary in what & how we choose to experience our lives each and every day. While dating can seem like constant disappointment is one view we have selected. Imagine a life with an alternative view where that disappointment you felt is recognised as resilience and understanding that the short-comings are necessary and beneficial to us in this life. A change in perspective to endings in your dating life gives you a better chance of remaining open hearted to new connections, to see people not as fantasies you want to see come to fruition but seen through a realistic lens that allows people to show you who they truly are through their actions and efforts not the characteristics stated to you or worse created by your expectation of what you want them to be. With this approach we give ourselves permission to be truly free, letting connections evolve & dissolve authentically, appreciating the experience in all of its joy and complexities in the moment and as a whole. The right connection for you will never need to be forced nor can it be created, embracing life to its fullest in the meantime is only going to align you in the best energy for the best connections & experiences to come forth.

I would really love to hear your comments on your experience with this & if my content resonates with you please enter your email below to subscribe to my blog. Your support is greatly appreciated :).
Glenda x


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