To love is one thing, but to allow yourself to fall in love is foreign to most of us, why? Because it literally requires you free fall into the unknown. What can be found in the unknown can take you anywhere from the depths of ultimate heartbreak to something beautiful and fulfilling. The perceived risk we hold in another person breaking our heart dictates the level of vulnerability we’ll allow ourselves to show and at times can even create a skeptical view of ‘love’ in whole.
The defence mechanisms we manage for ourselves in relationships are extrapolated from past experiences individual to each of us. The more pain and betrayal one has encountered in their lifetime is what has created the layers of protection. Our defence mechanisms are personal to each of us, but their existence can’t be denied. They are what I consider to be our safety nets which essentially aid us in the event of a negative outcome or at least the impending expectation of it occurring.
In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety.Abraham Maslow
The self-awareness of these mechanisms come naturally with time, some are stored deep in the subconscious accessible by our own willingness towards self-growth. Safety nets effectively serve us as a distraction from relationship progress and development, provide a sense of security where a back-up plan is in place, keeping other connections open as potential options in the event we are or anticipate ourselves to be abandoned, all in all our mechanisms ensure that the detriment of a potential heartbreak isn’t as damaging as it can be. At the same time that our safety nets make us feel validated and protect us emotionally, we run the risk of hurting ourselves or another, losing someone, placing a complete stop on experiencing the full potential of what could be and worst of all never allowing the heart to give and receive love to its fullest capability. The risk involved in love is somewhat comparable to the stock market, you can play it safe which is a reasonable approach, perhaps advisable, but you will need to expect a gain/loss at the same measure. The bolder trades are obviously risky in nature, foolish to outsiders looking in for the possible loss the gamble can incur. However, to the same degree the level of risk taken can also yield a significant gain***Insert gamble responsible speel here :-)***
Therefore, the level of vulnerability we put in is at the same potential a desired output can be received in weight of the risk of getting hurt. The fear of risk is normal for the large part of us, ultimately it’s human nature to protect ourselves from any form of harm. It’s important that where we can recognise the role our safety nets play in our own lives we have the ability to learn, heal and grow from our own personal issues which also allows us to open our minds with compassion for others and their dealings towards us, not in the way that enables a particular behaviour but in a way you let go, forgive and honour your self-value with love for all parties – at the end of the day everyone is doing the best they can to the knowledge and awareness that they have at that point in time and having that understanding in itself for yourself and others holds a lot of power for a higher level of being.
Lots of love,