Mind, Soul

When rejection, failure & loss make you believe you are not good enough

I have experienced it and you have too. The emotional wound of rejection, failure, and loss elicits a deep level of pain that wreaks havoc on our self-esteem, confidence and worth. Our level of self-worth and awareness will determine the severity of our emotional injury, some of us are more resilient and mentally stronger than others. However, at some point the devastation we experience whether due to its magnitude or frequency can shake us to the degree we have the tendency to develop the self-belief that we are not good enough, unworthy of what it was we had, were expecting or hoping for which will be damaging in the long-term. You may not even be aware of this because it has happened at an unconscious level, your actions or lack of thereafter will tell you this.

The greatest damage rejection causes is usually self-inflicted. Just when our self-esteem is hurting most, we go and damage it even further. – Guy Winch

How we experience this emotional injury is obviously different for all of us but the


internal effect is real and felt regardless. It could be an unexpected life change like a relationship breakdown where one party doesn’t want to separate, cheating or being left for someone else. It could be lost hope after getting that call or email back with special emphasis on ‘unfortunately’ and ‘unsuccessful, an unsuccessful business pitch or not placing in a competition you worked so hard for. It could be the shame and emotional turmoil of unrequited love. It could be the sensation of deep loneliness when your friends exclude or family abandoning you. These scenarios plus many more evoke emotional triggers that compromise our validation of self, dictating our future actions based on conceded defeat.

Once the inital rawness of shame, loneliness, loss, anger and jealousy starts to settle in our sense of self is then under immediate attack. As we introspect, our rational mind tries to find the reasons ‘why?’, but our heightened emotions are in control here and all we can see are our insecurities surfacing for closer examination, placing further damage to our self-worth. Where we can build on self-awareness it can help us in these situations where we can transpire negative self-beliefs to what is actually true. What is true is at your core, underneath the illusions and negative beliefs you and/or other people have structured for you.

As painful as these experiences are they are can serve a positive purpose in your life if you’re willing to look at it that way. The reality is that the pain you feel will eventually heal, how you perceive yourself is a permanent foundation for the quality of life you have. Your day-to-day decisions in life are heavily influenced by your beliefs, therefore by being aware of what you are experiencing and affirming your value will change your perspective and unbound you from the blockages you could have potentially set yourself moving forward. The most important thing you can do for yourself when everything else appears to be conspiring against you is to never ever reject yourself. When you start rejecting yourself you’re allowing the negative experience to integrate more fear within you resulting in those walls you have built to go up a that little higher, closing that heart a little more tighter and deepening that lack of trust, faith and hope you once had. All of which ultimately blocking you from opening yourself up to opportunities and success.

Did you know that J.K Rowling was rejected by 12 publishers, without the 13th attempt you would never have known Harry Potter.

These experiences aren’t pretty but the pain and suffering doesn’t need to have to hurt more than it has to. Our ability to love ourselves during these situations can strengthen us, inspire us to fight fear and teach us we’re more resilient than we think. When you don’t give up on yourself you’ll find you’re not just good enough, you’re more than enough to do all the things you set your mind to. In the grand scheme of things these road blocks are only small setbacks to learn, reset and reassess on our life journey. Down the road you will look back and realise that these experiences only attributed to your growth and success.

“All of my successes have been built on my failures”

Benjamin Disraeli

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